3. Walk Before You Talk

How To Discipline Your Kids Using Words

Quick Summary

1. Settle your child

2. Start by saying " I WANT"

3. Walk before you talk

4. Connect before you talk

5. Use the right language

6. Give attractive choices 

7. Keep it short

8. Message them

9. End the conversation

10. Be consistent

When our babies become toddlers they realize that they are a separate person from us, their parents. They develop their own will and sense of self. This is a good thing, however, the challenge lies in finding the balance between allowing our kids to be their own person and falling in line with what is expected of them.

We need to exercise discipline for the sake of everyone, so that home life runs smoothly and so that our kids grow up with respect for themselves, for others and for their environment. Using physical force or even forcing your will on a child is just not that way to go. It doesn’t work – in fact it does more harm than good.

Here are some ways to discipline your kids using your words and clever body language.

1. Settle Your Child

If your child is upset and you’re trying to give them a set of instructions they simply won’t be able to listen to you. Don’t jump in to give orders when your child is upset. Wait with them until the crying has calmed down and then try to address the topic.

2. Start by Saying “I WANT”

Rather than just giving an order like “Stand up” try, ” I want you to stand up.” Instead of “Leave your sister’s hair alone” try, ” I want you to leave your sister’s hair alone.” This works well for children who don’t like to be ordered around. You are asking for their co-operation by appealing to their emotions and they are more likely to agree.

3. Walk Before You Talk

Instead of yelling from across the room or worse still from one room to another (we all do it), walk to wherever your child is and deliver your request face to face. Remember you are the one that has got to model good behavior. If they see you yelling all the time they’ll do the same thing in years to come with their own kids.

4. Connect Before You Talk

There’s no point in asking your kids to do anything for you if you have your back to them, or you’re in another room. Make your way to where they are and face them, getting down to their level. Make sure they give you full eye contact while you speak to them. If the T.V is switched on in the background put it on pause until the conversation is over. Kids have a short attention span and they get engrossed in what they are doing. It’s very important to make sure they are full participants in the conversation by eliminating all distractions and making sure you are both face to face.

5. Use the Right Language

It can be really helpful to address a problem with a “when” and “then” solution. So for example, if you want your child to go upstairs and tidy their room but they want to go to their friends house – rather than simply laying down the law “Tidy your room now” you could try ” When you have finished tidying your room, of course you can go to your friends house.” Saying “when you tidy….” is preferable to saying “If you tidy…” as the former implies that you expect the job to be done. You are asserting your authority in a nice way that reduces the likely hood of a battle.

6. Give Attractive Choices

If your child wants something you’re not in a position to give – give them another option “You can’t go to the park today but we can go ice skating.” Although it’s not what they want to hear this is better than a flat out “No.”

7. Keep it Short

There’s really no need to ramble on when you are disciplining you kids. Keep it short and to the point for very small kids. Watch how they play with each other – they only string a few words together at a time – try to do the same. When you see your kids eyes glaze over as you continue to talk  -you have lost them – they are no longer listening. Teenagers on the other hand regard too much of this type of conversation as nagging.

8. Message Them

You can leave little notes around for your kids or use messenger or text older kids. I’ve tried this and it works a treat. “I want you to do one hour of study and then we can have some of that pie we got at the store.” My teenager loved it when sent him a request by text  and it worked! Kids love finding notes around the house for them. I also write “Eat Me” on their bananas and draw a little face. Sometimes they just prefer to get a break from our voices.

9. End the Conversation

If something has been decided – little Jonny is not going to the mall on his own – then end the conversation and leave it at that. If you mean business then use a tone of voice that conveys that sentiment. Jonny will understand that he only hears that tone when you mean what you say.

10. Be Consistent

If you say “No” mean no. If you say “No” and later turn around and say “Yes” you are making your job a whole lot harder. Your kids will not take you seriously until you become consistent with your directions and responses. I know it’s difficult but life is sweet when they know who’s the boss.
When you first try to turn things around, saying “No” consistently – you will have tantrums to deal with. No matter what age the child – Let them tantrum away, so long as they don’t hurt anyone. Stay calm and let them exhaust themselves. Don’t give up. Remember you are in charge!
When we are rested and free from stress it is easier to play by these rules. But in reality we get caught up in our daily struggles and everything we learn goes out the window. That said, if we manage to get in the habit of using the right language, tone and approach at the right times we will be making life so much easier for ourselves and for our kids in the longer term.

Research does not back Common Core Standards

Early Academic Training Can Harm Kids In The Long Term

“Children must master the language of things before they master the language of words.” – Friedrich Froebel, founder of kindergartens, 1837

I remember a friend of mine who taught English to 6-7 year old Italian kids. She was constantly plagued by parents who kept insisting that the children should learn something about English grammar. They did not realize that their children did not yet have the logical and reasoning capacities in their brains to get their heads around functions of nouns, verbs and tenses. My friend tried explaining this to the parents but they were never really convinced. Fortunately my friend refused to give in and the kids went on learning English through playing, games, singing and drawing.
You can see the parents’ agenda, though. Their faulty reasoning is that the earlier you start getting your head round all the academic stuff, the better you will be and the greater progress you will make. They want them starting earlier and earlier on letters, numbers, homework and worksheets.

  Research does not back Common Core Standards

Most research shows that these parents are totally wrong. The situation is not helped by the fact that Common Core Standards set down by the US education authorities require that children should start reading and math early on. But language and literacy games and experiences are the activities which can lay the foundations for children to become expert readers. Why start too early?

“The true object of all human life is play. Earth is a task garden; heaven is a playground.”- G.K. Chesterton

A 1930s experiment which is still valid today
L.P.Benezet was a schools superintendent who conducted very interesting experiments in the 1930s in Manchester, New Hampshire. He asked some teachers to drop arithmetic from grades 1 to 5.
”For some years, I had noticed that the effect of the early introduction of arithmetic had been to dull and almost chloroform the child’s reasoning faculties.” – L.P. Benezet
This was an outrageous suggestion at the time. The results were astounding though. Children who had abandoned arithmetic were taught to count and measure things. Children were also asked to talk about topics that interested them rather than reciting things they had learned by heart. The idea was to give them hands on experience with numbers, but also to communicate and reason logically.
By the time of the sixth grade, those children who had been in the experimental classes were doing much better on tests of story problems and had a much better understanding of numbers and measurement. They were not doing too well on the standard arithmetic tests but they soon caught up. They were also still much further advanced on the story problems by the end of the sixth grade.

German educationalists were wary before implementing change

It is fascinating also to look what happened in Germany more recently in the 1970s. There was a proposal that the school curriculum should be modified. There were suggestions that there was too much emphasis on learning through play in the kindergartens. Legislators and educationalists were thinking of moving to a more instruction based syllabus. But first, they wanted to carry out an experiment.
They involved over 100 kindergartens. Half of these were to use more academic type instruction while the other half were to continue basing everything on play. No prizes for guessing which children came out on top. Those who studied through play did better on reading and math tests by grade four and they were better at coping with social and emotional challenges. As a result of this experiment and others, it was decided to hold back on academic instruction in the early years of education.

Let the children play

Pediatricians and educationalists are now convinced, more than ever, that play is essential part of a child’s development as a whole person and is an important element in the happiness and well-being of each and every child. This has been borne out by numerous research studies and also advocated by the great educationalists such as Maria Montessori and Jean Piaget.
It is crucial that child playtime is not reduced in the kindergarten or pre-school stages and also not overwhelmed by screen time or early academic training. Let the children play and learn!

“Play is often talked about as if it were a relief from serious learning. But for children play is serious learning. Play is really the work of childhood.” – Fred Rogers

If You Want Your Children To Succeed, Do These 6 Things (Backed By Science)

Seeing your child grow up to be a success is the ultimate goal of a great parent. But raising your child in a way that ensures they achieve that success is certainly not easy. It requires patience, perseverance, dedication, and the confidence that all of your efforts will be incredibly worth it when you finally see your children actualize their potential. If you want your children to succeed, you need to:

1. Teach them social skills

Although humans are naturally social beings, social conventions are not inherent and therefore must be taught. A study conducted by researchers at PSU and Duke University showed that children who showed the ability to cooperate with and help their peers, as well as understand their emotions and work out their own problems, were more likely to experience success as they grew into adults than children who did not exhibit these social skills. Children who were not taught skills such as cooperation and patience were also more likely to end up incarcerated or abusing drugs and alcohol.

2. Have high expectations

Children will rise to their parents’ level of expectations, so it’s important to set the bar high. A study by a UCLA professor of over 6,000 kindergartners showed that when parents believe their children will end up attending college, the children perform much higher on standardized tests than children whose parents are indifferent to higher education. An overwhelming 96% of children whose parents saw college in their future performed higher than the rest of the cohort.

3. Attain higher levels of education

Not only should parents have high expectations for their children, but they should also have high expectations for themselves. A study conducted at the University of Michigan found that children are most likely to attain the same level of education their parents have over the course of their lifetime. Unfortunately, this means that those who become pregnant as a teenager and do not pursue a college education, or do not complete their high school studies, are likely to raise children who end up dropping out as well. Parents who set the bar high for themselves will in turn have great expectations for their children as well.

4. Build a solid relationship with them

All of the previous points made throughout this article can only come about if parents foster a caring, nurturing relationship with their children. Doing so lays the foundation on which a successful life can be built. By building a solid relationship with their children, parents can begin teaching them the social and life skills needed to succeed. They can also maximize their children’s potential by setting high expectations early on to ensure their children get a head start in life. Finally, by being there to celebrate their children’s accomplishments, parents can instill in their children the notion that the reward for hard work is the successful feeling that comes over you after having reached a specific goal.

5. Be less stressed out

Parents who are constantly stressed, whether from work, school, or family life, will ultimately pass this stress along to their child. A decent amount of stress can be a healthy motivator, but too much stress can be incredibly detrimental to your health. “Helicopter parents” are those who are so stressed out about their children’s lives that they become much too overprotective; by doing so, they add stress to their children’s lives with every step they take. As a parent, you’ll undoubtedly face many stressful situations in your life. However, you must never allow your child to know just how close you are to your breaking point.

6. Value effort over innate talent

Pointing out your child’s gifts is natural for parents. Knowing your kid is an incredible musician or athlete should definitely make you proud. However, praising your child for a gift they were born with may actually be doing them a disservice. They may start to develop a fixed mindset, meaning they either believe they’re naturally good at something, or not good at all. On the other hand, praising a child’s effort when completing a specific task will nurture a growth mindset: the idea that they can become good at anything they put their all into. By cultivating a growth mindset in your children, you change their way of thinking from “I can’t do this!” to “I can’t do this…yet!”

7 Signs That You’re Making Your Children Narcissistic

Narcissism is defined as the excessive interest in oneself and one’s physical appearance. Vanity, self-love, self-admiration, self-absorption, self-obsession, conceit, self-centeredness. Many think that the number of narcissistic children in western civilization is rising. I have created this handy dandy list for you to reference and see if certain things you are doing on the parenting front could be contributing to your child becoming narcissistic. Using this list I was able to even find some points where I may be going slightly astray (and we know how perfect I am!) Without further ado here is my list of 7 signs that you’re making your child(ren) Narcissistic.

You lead your child to believe they are infallible.

This can be done by over praising. Putting your child on a pedestal is easy to do because you created them, but acknowledging faults is human. It’s a healthy thing to be able to see that everyone has weaknesses.

You compare your child to other kids and tell them how they measure up.

Around age 7 or 8 kids start to compare themselves to others. It’s important that you aren’t putting undue pressure on them to be better then their peers at everything. Don’t compare to Mikey and tell them where he comes up short.

You view affection as something to be earned and therefore show little warmth.

This could be difficult to recognize in yourself I suppose, but if you are only hugging after a job well done or for specifics tasks completed. There is a difference in affection and appreciation versus making your child feel like they are better than others. You can love your child and think they hang the moon, but you don’t have to put down or take anything away from anyone else to do that.

You model behaviors such as inability to hear criticism.

We all know that one adult who can’t bear to hear that they are wrong. That can’t take any type of reply to their ideas or opinions other than “yep,” Don’t be that adult. You are better than that, and your child needs you to be better than that.

You Excessively Brag and Make Excuses for Your Child

Can we be honest here? You should be proud of your kid. Your kid probably does something fantastic stuff that mine can’t do. However it’s ok too if your child messes up. In fact it’s better if they mess up while they are children, so they learn to handle that. If you make excuses for their behaviors instead of showing them how to deal with not being perfect- you are missing out a learning opportunity for the child. And as it turns out you may be raising a narcissist.

You Speak Badly of Anyone That is “Different” in Front of Your Child

This one is trickier and trickier it seems. In a time when we are so enlightened it seems that everyone feels shamed for their views. There is a difference in pointing out how you disagree with a religion/belief system and trying to prove you are superior to it. Expressing superiority in regards to age/race/gender/sexual preference – gosh, just please don’t do that. Let’s be past that in this generation, okay?

You Recognize Narcissistic Traits in Yourself and Don’t Take Steps To Get Better

There is a hereditary component to narcissism. There are personality traits that is a person is born with. However if you feel like you have some traits that fall into the Narcissistic column and you don’t get some help before having a kid… it may be time to re-evaluate now. Some day when you are in the old folks’ home and your grown-up child is too wrapped up in him/herself to visit you, you will possibly regret not taking some time to work on these things now.
If you are interested in more information on this that is less opinion and more scientific please go to this link to find what the Washington Post wrote about the subject. I found it extremely interesting and well written.

Effects of Homework on elementary school students.

You will be surprised at the result of the research on effect of homework on elementary school students. Please, click on the link below.

http://www.lifehack.org/385878/research-finds-the-effects-of-homework-on-elementary-school-students-and-the-results-are-surprising